“Faith is a process of leaping into the abyss not on the basis of any certainty about ~where~ we shall land, but rather on the belief that we ~shall~ land.” – Carter Heyward
So, Ive been putting this post off long enough. Time to just do it! I have been going through a bit of a transformation recently, and haven’t really wanted to address to the world what has happened, but I feel up to it finally. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks pregnant. This happened the end of January so you can see Ive needed some time. I wasn’t even going to say anything, and because I mentioned that I was pregnant in my previous post, I had contemplated just casually erasing that part of my blog, moving on as if nothing had happened. But I couldn’t because it DID happen, and that just didn’t feel honest to me. So I have been going through the process of losing the potential of a child, and in the meantime have learned a lot about myself and my beliefs. I felt in my core that something wasn’t right, even from the beginning, but sorta shrugged it off trying to remain positive. I of course was devastated, but have also found comfort that my body is efficient in knowing when something isn’t right. I also believe that everything happens for a reason, and perhaps it was just not time yet for another little soul to enter our existence. And I am OK with that. I still feel weird, especially since some of my friends became pregnant around the same time, and I watch their belly’s grow and mine remains the same. I seem to be continually reminded of it, and it sort of haunts me whenever I see babies or other pregnant women. I just have to remind myself that it is just part of the process, and when the time is right for us, it will happen again. I felt really proud of myself, and for once very confident that what I believe in held true for me in such a sad time. Trust your instincts and know that everything happens for a reason. Does that mean I believe in fate, or some predetermined existence? I don’t really know. I do a bit I guess. Not that everything is planned, but that there is some sort of order to the chaos in the world, and we have the power to push things in a certain direction with our energy and intentions.
Anyways. Now that Ive talked about the process Ive been working through, time to start talking about more fun things, like our recent family journey to Sunny Arizona! So look forward to some pics!
Recent Comments